goodnight, my hannah
well, this isn’t exactly the happiest way to start off the new year, but my family experienced a loss this weekend. my cat, hannh, passed away on sunday. hannah found me in 1997, during my senior year of college at mizzou. she was the tiniest, cutest kitten. i found her on a sunday, and i called john (then my boyfriend, now my husband) and told him i’d found a kitten. he said he would come to columbia and help me decide what to do. i think he wanted me to give her to wayside waifs. so i spent the week with hannah, and by the time john arrived on friday, i was already in love with hannah. i hoped she would make a good impression with john, and luckily she did.
as i finished college, hannah and i would drive home to kansas city on some weekends. on our first trip home, the air conditioning in my taurus broke. hannah was riding between my neck and the seat, so i didn’t want to open the window because i thought hannah might drop out. i remember hannah looking at me at one point and hanging her tongue out and panting. as pathetic as it looked, it was something i will always remember. i spent most of the drive that afternoon rubbing cold water on her. by the time we got home two hours later, she was totally wet.
hannah has always been a special member of our family. she is very shy and only comes out when she is completely comfortable with those that are here. at night, she would sleep on my pillow with me. even on crowded nights, when the kids climbed in, i would make a special spot for hannah. something just wasn’t right if hannah was there too. she loved being brushed at night, and when i watched tv before bed, she often layed right on me blocking my view. she always had to be right up in whatever i was doing. but, i loved having her close. even when i was sick or had one of my migraine headaches, hannah would lie immediately next to me. it was the most comforting feeling knowing that hannah wanted to take care of me just as much as i wanted to take care of her.
she would have turned 12 this summer. in my mind that really wasn’t “old”. to tell the truth, i always expected that when zane grew older and left for MU, it would be hannah who comforted me. that would have made her 22, but that didn’t seem out of reach to me. 
this weekend, though, things changed. hannah didn’t sleep with me thursday, which i found odd. then, friday i noticed she was sick. i immediately took her to the blue springs animal hospital (which i would recommmend to anybody), and they told me she was in renal failure. apparently, she was pretty far along, and the doctor wasn’t sure she would make it through the day. i was absolutely devastated. john was out of town, so i didn’t know what to do. ultimately, i chose to take hannah home so we could all say goodbye. we spent the weekend holding her and making her feel as much love as we could. the thought of having to take her to the doctor that final time made me nauseus, and i prayed and prayed i wouldn’t have to make that decision. my prayers were answered and hannah passed naturally on sunday afternoon.
it is definitely different around here now. i keep expecting hannah to jump up on my bed at night or meow at me in the mornings for her breakfast. i will definitely cherish the years i had with hannah. never will i have a cat quite like hannah. she was with me for so many phases of my life – college, first job, marriage, children… i will certainly miss her always. and as i lay down for sleep each night, i will still pat my pillow down in the spot where she slept. she may not be there in body, but i like to think she is in spirit. goodnight, my hannah.
